The past two nights I have had dreams in which men suck. In the first I was basically at war with one, as in we kept going back in forth with different attacks. In the last one that I remember, I threw a saw type blade at him, but he caught it, and tried to fake as if he was hurt. But he was fine, and I knew that but no one else knew that. In the second dream, a girl that I used to work with was telling me that the reason she was at this refugee camp was because 4 men had gotten involved in her life that shouldn't have been. I don't know why I was living in a refugee camp and I don't know more of the details about what those effect those men had on her life. There was also a man that I kept giving chips to and there was definitely something wrong with him. I don't know if he was mentally retarded or just kind of crazy. I just remember there being something wrong with him.
Is that strange? Could it mean something? In both dreams though the men weren't specific people.
Sure it means something! I definitely believe that dreams come from your subconscious mind and obviously yours is saying that you need to drop those exes of yours that are now squabbling for attention and come back to the states a free woman. I just find it too convenient that they're both interested in when you're coming back, what you're doing, how your trip was RIGHT NOW; at the end of the semester when they should be dealing with exams and stuff. They're just trying to be cutesy and sneak back into your life. Fuck them.
ReplyDeleteReply to your comment: I have the letter saved as a document on my computer. So far I've only worked on it twice... I am just as such a loss for what I want to say. I guess the main thing I want to say is that, while he may acknowledge that he did "bad things" to me, it was so much worse than that. Yes, I am okay and I've moved on, learned a lot, and become stronger but the way I had to learn that is not the way ANY person should learn those lessons. They were not just "bad things", they were abuse: emotional, mental, physical, sexual ABUSE.
ReplyDeletePart of me honestly wishes I could tell him these things and get them off my chest. Part of me wants to talk to him and step away just okay. I think right now things are probably bad between us and I'd like to get them to at least neutral ground. Problem is (and he made this apparent through the lack of response to my email), he hasn't grown up, he hasn't matured, he hasn't learned ANYTHING from our relationship and I know that if I ever sent him this letter or force him to truly acknowledge what he did he'll just be pissed. It's so disappointed to see that he hasn't learned a damn thing, that he hasn't grown even the tiniest bit; at least not in his interactions with me. It makes me feel like the time and energy I put into him was a waste because he didn't benefit from it in a positive (meaning maturing, growing up) way.
Gah, it's frustrating. But last night was dream free! and what's weird that the first dream i described, about the fight, happened before i received ANY contact from you know who.
ReplyDeleteas for your letter. it must be pretty rough. I know the feeling of knowing what you want to say but not how to say it. Good luck with it all.
Yeah, I bought him a watch off ebay with the transformers emblem in it. It was actually a really nice, mature adult watch and he just threw it on the (concrete) ground outside of Tuttle and it just broke into pieces. There is a chance I gave him the pieces back when we were trying to work things out but I have no idea.
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